Being a mom is gross. When you first think about having a baby, you think about those sweet newborn snuggles, first smiles and tiny giggles, and other milestones... Or at least I did. I never gave much thought to the not-so-adorable things that come along with being a mom.
When Em was just a few weeks old, she had this amazing ability to squirt poop 5 feet across a room. No joke! It was pretty amazing! I remember one time Ryan went upstairs to change Emmy's diaper while my mom and I hung out downstairs. He had been gone about 5 minutes when we heard him yell from upstairs, "I need help!!" As my mom and I rushed up the stairs in a panic we heard him say, "It's everywhere!! It's all over the wall! It's all over her, on the vacuum, on the candlesticks!" When my mom and I went into the room, we saw that Emmy had pooped while Ryan was trying to change her and it really was everywhere. I wish I would have grabbed my camera so you could see just how incredible it was! It was pretty funny, though Ryan wasn't quite so enthused.
My baby girl may be small, she can fart like a champ. Sometimes I can't tell if it was my dog, my husband, or my baby who let one rip! Daddy is so proud.
I am constantly covered in and smell like spit-up. I never make it more than an hour without getting baby puke on my clothes and sometimes in my hair. Unfortunately, it doesn't always end there. There have been plenty of times when I have been peed on, pooped on, drooled on, boogered on, and leaked breast-milk everywhere too.
Today, Emmy decided to begin her day by loading her pants. I can almost always tell by the sound how messy her diaper is going to be and this one sounded pretty juicy. As fast as I could manage, I snapped her up, unwrapped her from her blanket and undid the buttons on her sleeper in an attempt to prevent the poop, that I was sure was headed up her back, from getting all over. I was so proud of myself when I saw that I had saved her blanket and pj's! With a sigh of relief I carefully took her into her room and laid her on the changing pad. Before changing her, I waited for a few minutes to make sure she was finished. Emmy just looked up and me and smiled and cooed. Taking that to mean she was done, I began changing her diaper. The minute I had the diaper off, Emmy totally let it loose and the nastiest, liquidy, mucousy poop flowed everywhere. Those pajamas I had saved were saved no more. So sad. After I mopped up the mess, I picked Emmy up to clean off her back. Just as I lifted her to my shoulder, she spit up what seemed to be about a gallon of curdled milk that drenched my shoulder and almost entire right arm. Before I had a chance to pull her away from me, she rubbed her face right in it. Her face was covered! So I laid her back down on the changing pad and cleaned off her face. Then, right as I was grabbing a diaper to put on her, she peed! Ugh!!! You've got to be kidding me!! Poop, puke, AND pee!? And it was not just a little pee. It was A LOT of pee. So there she was... my sweet little girl, lying in a huge puddle of her own urine - even her hair was soaked in it! Em seemed not to be bothered by any of this at all though. She just kept on smiling and talking to me the whole time! Needless to say, this story ended with a shower for both of us. What a way to start the morning, huh? Ha ha.
Like I said, being a mom is gross. Gross, but I'll take the abuse a million times over if it means I get to see this face everyday.
When Em was just a few weeks old, she had this amazing ability to squirt poop 5 feet across a room. No joke! It was pretty amazing! I remember one time Ryan went upstairs to change Emmy's diaper while my mom and I hung out downstairs. He had been gone about 5 minutes when we heard him yell from upstairs, "I need help!!" As my mom and I rushed up the stairs in a panic we heard him say, "It's everywhere!! It's all over the wall! It's all over her, on the vacuum, on the candlesticks!" When my mom and I went into the room, we saw that Emmy had pooped while Ryan was trying to change her and it really was everywhere. I wish I would have grabbed my camera so you could see just how incredible it was! It was pretty funny, though Ryan wasn't quite so enthused.
My baby girl may be small, she can fart like a champ. Sometimes I can't tell if it was my dog, my husband, or my baby who let one rip! Daddy is so proud.
I am constantly covered in and smell like spit-up. I never make it more than an hour without getting baby puke on my clothes and sometimes in my hair. Unfortunately, it doesn't always end there. There have been plenty of times when I have been peed on, pooped on, drooled on, boogered on, and leaked breast-milk everywhere too.
Today, Emmy decided to begin her day by loading her pants. I can almost always tell by the sound how messy her diaper is going to be and this one sounded pretty juicy. As fast as I could manage, I snapped her up, unwrapped her from her blanket and undid the buttons on her sleeper in an attempt to prevent the poop, that I was sure was headed up her back, from getting all over. I was so proud of myself when I saw that I had saved her blanket and pj's! With a sigh of relief I carefully took her into her room and laid her on the changing pad. Before changing her, I waited for a few minutes to make sure she was finished. Emmy just looked up and me and smiled and cooed. Taking that to mean she was done, I began changing her diaper. The minute I had the diaper off, Emmy totally let it loose and the nastiest, liquidy, mucousy poop flowed everywhere. Those pajamas I had saved were saved no more. So sad. After I mopped up the mess, I picked Emmy up to clean off her back. Just as I lifted her to my shoulder, she spit up what seemed to be about a gallon of curdled milk that drenched my shoulder and almost entire right arm. Before I had a chance to pull her away from me, she rubbed her face right in it. Her face was covered! So I laid her back down on the changing pad and cleaned off her face. Then, right as I was grabbing a diaper to put on her, she peed! Ugh!!! You've got to be kidding me!! Poop, puke, AND pee!? And it was not just a little pee. It was A LOT of pee. So there she was... my sweet little girl, lying in a huge puddle of her own urine - even her hair was soaked in it! Em seemed not to be bothered by any of this at all though. She just kept on smiling and talking to me the whole time! Needless to say, this story ended with a shower for both of us. What a way to start the morning, huh? Ha ha.
Like I said, being a mom is gross. Gross, but I'll take the abuse a million times over if it means I get to see this face everyday.
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